Reclaiming Our Grief from the “Experts”

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This post is a result of something that has been going through my head for a while. In fact, this morning I had insomnia that was driving me crazy until I decided to get up and write. Here goes. Keep in mind this won’t be lengthy. I just want to have you think about something. We can then explore it together later.

I’ve been involved in direct service, work, ministry, etc. with people for forty years. It doesn’t make me an expert. Much of my work has been in the context of grief related situations. Primarily this has been death related grief.

Grief has become a huge marketable part of our culture. There are loads of books written on grief. I have quite a number of them myself. There are all sorts of theories or explanations of “the process of grief” all trying to help people make some sense of grief. You might say they give you an idea of “how to” grieve. Perhaps the one who led the way in this was Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross back in the 1960’s with her “stages of grief.” Others have used such terms as “tasks of mourning,” or “dimensions of grief,” etc.

There are all sorts of people involved in the profession of “therapists” or couselors. Many religious type leaders or professionals may also make efforts at helping people in their grief. Some of them may be effective but many miss the mark.

I think it’s time for the average person to reclaim their grief from the so-called “experts.” This may sound simlistic or perhaps even outrageous. Yeah, I get it! The “experts” have spent years studying grief and how it impacts the lives of people they are trying to help. I get that too.

Listen, you are the expert in your grief. You are the “coach.” You help guide your own process of grief. We may benefit in some way in visits to “therapists” or “counselors” and the like but realize you are the expert of your grief. Everyone else who may want to help you will do well to really listen to you. They can’t say anything worthwhile until they listen to you. Your journey of finding your way through your grief will become more clear as someone walks with you, so to speak on this journey.

I say all this to hopefully stimulate discussion. Try not to hide your grief. Please honour your grief by finding people to walk with you on the journey. You talk about your grief and your companion listens. Don’t leave your grief up to the “experts.”

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